Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Seriously????

Mark got a new book for his birthday.
called
A MAN, A CAN, A PLAN
No, not that kind of can...
it contains
50 Great Guy Meals even YOU can Make!
The following has to be the most disgusting of the bunch..,
the one at the bottom...

Spaghettio's, 2 eggs + 2 egg whites,
2 Tbsp shredded Parmesan, Milk & garlic powder.

It's like a Spaghettio's Fritatta.

As Tara would say...

Seriously??


Sunday, April 19, 2009

And then she was TWELVE!!

Bright and early one April Morning, 12 years ago, Miss Jessica came to our Family.



She was named after two of her Great Grandmothers -

Tjitske Germeraad (Jessica in Dutch)- my grandmother
and
Esta Marcella Webb- Mark's grandmother.

She's wanting to grow up - of course I don't want to let her.
I had to wait until I was 16 to get my ears pierced -
Mom said... if God had wanted holes in your ears,
He would have put them there.

But.. Mark convinced me we shouldn't make her
wait that long..

so... Voila... holes.

Jessica has a beautiful voice - plays the flute, and Grandma Brown teaches her piano.
Her birthday was piano day - so she got to see Nana.



Riding in the front seat for the first time.. on a trip to Sonic!



Our friend Tara stopped by - always good for
a chocolate bar and a hug for the girls!



For a party, Jessica invited some friends to go see
HANNAH MONTANA!!! AAACCCKKK!
(actually enjoyed it...I did!)
Kylan is a cousin, Erin is a neighbor -
these two have a lot in common,
besides the obvious. They also
both love TOMATOES!

Celeste is in Jessica's class at school.

At the theatre, all sugared up.


Came Home and Frosted Cake.


I love you , my Jessica!








Tuesday, April 14, 2009

How to stay young!


We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Try everything twice. On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
Tried everything twice...loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends.?The grouches pull you down.
(keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)
3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6 The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country,
but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my special friend.
11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.
Remember! Lost time can never be found.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
There were some really cute pics that I got in an email with this..
But I don't know how to save them and upload them... bummer!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

She's got lots of Glass!

Monday night we went with our friends/neighbors the Haws' to the Desert Botanical Gardens near Phoenix. There is currently a Dale Chihuly exhibit there - the blown glass is spectacular!

The exhibit is there until the end of May, I believe, so if you are local, I'd encourage you to attend if you can, but make reservations, check their website at http://www.dbg.org/ . It's fabulous!













Sunday, March 15, 2009

Finally... Miss Mallory!


While we were in computer Limbo... my Miss Mallory had a birthday!!
Eight years ago she came to join our family!

We were all prepared to have her come, when a couple of days before her due date,
we went to the hospital to do the "become familiar with us" tour. Actually, it was
Dr Linnerson reviewing things for the not first time parents, but had been awhile,
or something like that. We left the Banner Desert, pulled out onto Dobson Road to get on the
freeway. While we were waiting, a big ole boat of a car rear ended us. The poor lady felt
so bad.. her mom or grandma or someone was in the hospital, and she was stressed, and
wasn't paying attention.

Of course, with me 9 months pregnant, the firefighters wanted me to get checked out.
I said I was fine, and we went home. I sat in my glider-rocker with my feet up, when
all of a sudden - the baby was doing somersaults! Huge ones! That is not something that
should be happening that late! Needless to say, she turned head up.. not good.


We went to the hospital two days later, and Dr Linnerson was on call for the weekend, so he
tried to do a Version - which involves turning the baby. Grease up the belly, and try to turn
her like a wingnut- crazy! She did turn around to head down, but she never engaged, and the
next day, Feb 24th, I had a c-section, my first. Not very fun.. but it did bring our Mallory.




Her name was not because of anyone, but one that we liked, and because it fit the pattern that
we'd inadvertently started with the other two. It has two consonants in the middle, and is seven letters long. Weird, but it just turned out. Don't know what we'd do without her!



We kind of had a splurge out on her Birthday dinner, we as a family had finished reading the Book of Mormon, between stake conferences, a challenge by our Stake President. We also had Grandpa Michael in town, so we went to Ah-So for Tepanyaki style Japanese dinner! That was YUMMY! Here are a few pictures documenting her day - from waking up - to going to bed

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

In My Neighborhood...

For awhile I have wanted to take a tour of my neighborhood to show you (out-of-towners) what it is like, and challenge you to do the same.


So, the other night when we walked the dog, I snapped some pics.



There are many of these in our area...


My son wishes he could buy that car...


Who can tell me who's house the flower is in front of?
Bonus points for you!
(those of you who live near me!)


Here is Milo, taking Jessica for a walk!

Please Recycle!!

Wildflower time!


Sweet Mary Lynn, on a walk with

her mom and siblings!

Yep, it's wintertime in Arizona!

My famous neighbor Dane, and cousin Blaine,

who have appeared on the recent season of

The Biggest Loser!

For more pics of Dane, see http://www.fatsassyandmrwonderful.blogspot.com/

So, my challenge to you is to take a walk, take some pics, even if
it is snowing outside, and let me know when you do! I suppose it is a tag,
but I won't name names.. just do it!



Monday, February 02, 2009

Blame it on Facebook!

That's why I have become an even more lame Blogger.

Really.

It's His Fault.

Not mine.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Another first...


Well, I would have to say, a couple of firsts...
This picture cracks me up... it is most likely during my 5th grade year - or the summer before. My sister, Laura, in the high chair, was born just after I turned 10, so it can't be much after that. My brother Matthew is behind me, and our Indian Placement girl, Maurita, is with us. She came from the Navajo Reservation to live with us during the school year - for a better education. I think she came for 2 years, and then we had another girl, Sarah.
Anyway... This was my first instrument.. so to speak. My parents bought the flute - I'm not sure how they paid for it - money was pretty tight all those growing up up years - but they did it. I still have it! I played the flute thru Jr High school, and I think only my Soph year in HS. Some friends convinced me to try out for concert choir in 9th grade - and I made it - and I haven't stopped singing. I learned to love harmonizing - now I'm trying to teach my girls how to do it!
Music took me lots of places - in 9th grade we travelled from Vernal to Durango Colorado - an awesome trip! With my new obsession with facebook - I have seen the names of some of the gals on that trip with me - I will never forget that trip! In High school, we had a band trip to Disneyland, in addition to festivals around the state of Wyoming. My biggest trip was when I was selected for All-Northwest choir (ID, MT, WY, OR, WA, AK, and UT maybe) and travelled to Portland Oregon. In college I was also able to be part of the Wyoming State Choir that travelled to NYC and performed in Lincoln Center.
All in all - I'm a firm believer in the arts in schools - it is sad that many programs are being cut due to budget shortfalls.
Anyway... on to the 2nd first that is documented in this photo...
My first Fashion FAUX PAS!! LOL!!
Yes, I am wearing orange plaid polyester shorts, and a nautical print shirt - both made by my mom. I'm sure that I didn't go out of the house in that getup, at least I don't think that I did...
My mom made quite alot of our clothes back then.. many of them the stretch polyester that was prevalent in the 70's. One year we had individual pictures, and we mostly match in our polyester shirts - same material, which had been purchased on sale, for sure.
Anyway, that's a brief look into my life as a 10 year old in the 70's - at least I was smiling, and it goes to show how STRAIGHT my hair was back then, not curly like it is today!

Thursday, January 01, 2009

How does the saying go?

Whatever you were doing at midnight on New Years Eve, you'll be doing all year long?

Well, I did kiss my husband then,
but we were in the midst of a rousing game of Phase 10!
This was the continuation of a game we started with the kids on Sunday!
Mark insisted we finish it - and we didn't get to bed until after TWO!
Mallory was even a trooper and stayed up!
Needless to say, my internal time clock won't let me sleep later than about 7:30!
So, I've been scanning in photos from college all morning!
However, I commit to playing more games with my family this year!

And, just for posterity's sake,
and to embarrass my teenager,
here are some pics of us last night!
Mallory had a wreck on her bike earlier in the day,
so she has quite the fat lip! Poor kid!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Saying goodbye to one friend, and hello to another!



I'll give the sad news first!
About a hundred years ago,
well, maybe less than 40 and more than 30,
my mom did an activity at the women's Homemaking
Meeting in our church. She traced pictures for everyone
family from a Peanuts coloring book, and then
they were sent off to be put onto plates!
Here is mine!

For those of you who know me now,

my hair has not always been curly- it was straight as a stick!

Hence the joke!


But yesterday brought the end of an era...It was

dropped on the floor and split! I was sad because I

have had it for so long - actually I guess my mom kept it for so long,

and then gave it back to me several years ago- I still have my dad's plate too!

Who knows how many meals I've had on that plate?

So long, farewell, good friend!

And to my new friend!

Well, not exactly a new friend, but an

old friend/boyfriend from college

(I'm not sure if he considered himself that, but I did!)

My friends convinced me to finally start a facebook page,

and I've been able to reconnect with him -

I think I blogged about him once !

( I'll have to see what I wrote about him before I give him my blog address..)

Anyway, I am SOOOO glad I got on Facebook to connect

with him, he was a major part of my life, and has been absent

from it for 18-19 years! So

Yeay for Facebook!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Chocolate, almonds, caramel, repeat...

Yum.. these are my favorites, in almost any combinations!

Someone sent in chocolate covered almonds to work, and I just
happened to see them.. I think I ate more than I should have... ugh.

Then, Mark bought me Almond M & M's (well, I convinced him to buy them)
for my stocking, and I have definitely made a dent in the bag. Good thing I
am going to work today, away from the M&M's . (the almonds at work are GONE!)

We got a box of See's chocolate - variety - from his mom , but the kids aren't too
happy that any caramels in the box.. are MINE!

Thankfully, checking the scale this morning, all these almonds have not
been too detrimental to the weight loss...

What are your favorite Christmas candies or cookies? I know mine are available most of the
time...

I didn't even make my favorite cookies this year - only made gingersnaps (soft ones!)

We are having a game night with neighbors on Friday, so maybe I'll make them for that.
My family hasn't complained much that there weren't any cookies this year - I made banana
bread and chocolate zucchini bread this year for neighbors.

Apparently the zucc bread was a hit! And you can eat it with butter if you like, Sassy!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

So says my son...

"Mom, have you ever heard of the group Journey?"

Oh, please - yes, I was a 70's 80's child... I've heard it all.

Just cracked me up.

He is getting interested in some of that older music,
"Another One Bites the Dust" is one of his favorites.
I think HE is having more fun searching for music
on my Zune marketplace than I am!

If I don't get back here soon,

Merry Christmas everyone!

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Four Wheelin' !!!

VACATION!!
Although it is difficult to tell, that is ME in the
driver's seat! This is the first time that I have
ever driven a go-cart or anything similar!
I didn't drive one of the quads, but I had a BLAST!
My BIL owns some property that's a bit hilly, so the day
before Thanksgiving, we met up with them,
as well as the BIL we were staying with,
and drove quads & go-carts all over, had a cookout
- roasted marshmallows, hot dogs & had hot chocolate!
The temperature was in the 40's that day - for a high!
It was chilly driving up and down and around!
We didn't get to have any snow, but we did have lots of fun!


We left for UT the Friday before Thanksgiving,
stayed overnight in Kanab, then drove the rest of the way
on Saturday to Bluffdale, to Marcy's house.
We visited with her and played with the kids,
John & Annie, who are growing up fast!
Sunday night I droveMark to the airport,
so he could be back for work on Monday for meetings.

Monday morning the kids and I headed to WYOMING!!
I went to High School in Evanston,
and my best friend, Tami, lives in Lyman, about 30 miles away.
I get to see her only once a year - when we head north.
She fixed us lunch and we had a nice visit!


I wish I had some pics of us from HS -
we were trying to remember when we became friends!
We knew each other in band,and we shared
a locker my senior year (she is a year younger!)
She is an awesome friend - always sending me
cute cards and letters when I was away from home,
on my mission and at school! Thanks Tami!!
(my dad called her mom "the mother of my other daughter.- it was awesome to have her as a friend!)

After leaving Tami's we headed back to Ogden,
to pick up some HoneyBaked Ham,
and then up to Hyrum!
We arrived at Fon & Sally's early evening,
and the kids commenced playing with their cousins -
on the Wii, and the Guitar Hero.
At one point on Tuesday,I had to prohibit Brennan
from playing Guitar Hero - he had bloodshot eyes!!
(they play on a big projection TV in the basement!











Miss Kris was my 2nd grade teacher - My class was the first one that she ever taught - she doesn't teach anymore, but is involved in education and training with the State of Utah. I suppose that she is my oldest friend, not in age, but in length of time I have known her! She live only about 5 miles from Fon & Sally, so we try to visit her whenever we go to UT.


We had a great Thanksgiving dinner,
and I think we got tired of dinner rolls,
after teaching Josh how to make them! (I think he'll be a pro!)
We made Mark's yummy creamy mushroom gravy
to go with the Turkey (leaving the plain stuff for the kids!)
On Friday, Annika and her hubby Bret came over
(fun for me, Bret lived in Vernal,
as I did for some of my growing up years -
got to talk about some of the old places!)
and also her brother Casey came
and we played games, and ate, of course!
Our trip home was pretty anti-climactic -
driving, driving, driving.
We were sad that the Three Bears Creamery
was not open in Kanab -
we were looking forward to getting Ice Cream Cones there!
We were happy to get home to our dog, Milo,
and were VERY thankful to the Estrada's for keeping
the Rent-A-Dog while we were gone!
(Really, really thankful!)
So, that was our vacation for the year -
it was nice to get out of town, even though
we didn't get to go play in the lake, or in the snow!
Many thanks to Fon and Sally
for putting up with us each time we visit!
They are awesome!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gratitude - everyone is doing it!

I have seen many blogs of late where people describe the things they are grateful for! I hadn't really thought about doing that, and I just don't have the time each day to do so. However, I have been thinking about it a little more this week.

We are in Utah visiting my in-laws this week - on Saturday evening, we asked Mark's sister what time her church meetings were. She suggested that we go into Salt Lake City to see the broadcast of Music and the Spoken Word. It was an AWESOME suggestion.

We had to get up fairly early and brave the cold (it was in the 20's and 30's that morning), and drove into SLC and parked near the Conference Center. We were seated in the Tabernacle by about 9:00 and the choir and orchestar were finishing their rehearsal. It was the Thanksgiving program by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Orchestra at Temple Square. The songs they were doing were ones that am familiar with after years of singing in church and in choirs.
For the Beauty of the Earth arranged by John Rutter is one of my favorites, and also Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, arranged by Mack Wilberg. The latter was the last number - Just WOW! It was incredible and brought me to tears. I don't recall ever seeing/hearing the Choir in person as a child, but after checking with my dad, he said we'd probably gone at some point in our Utah years.

Most amazing of all - after the broadcast was finished, Lloyd Newell came to the front of the Tabernacle and spoke for a moment. Afterwards, he, the Choir, the Orchestra members, and all technicians sang God Be With You Til We Meet Again - acapella. That was amazing!!

I am thankful for the sound of music... I'm thankful for the influence it has had in my life, and for the opportunity I have had to share it with others, including my family. (Of course there are MANY other things I am thankful for, but this is an important one for me this week.)

Here is the message that was presented in the broadcast on Sunday (and others).

Daily Gratitude and Thanksgiving
Delivered By: Lloyd D. Newell


A few years ago, two researchers conducted what they called the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness. They found through science what most of us know intuitively: gratitude makes people happy.

For the study, several hundred people were divided into three groups and asked to keep diaries. The first group listed the day’s events in their diaries, the second group recorded any unpleasant experiences they had during the day, and the last group made a daily list of things they were grateful for.

The researchers found that the simple act of taking time each day to count your blessings makes a person more enthusiastic, determined, optimistic, and energetic. Those who expressed gratitude experienced less depression and stress, exercised more regularly, and made more progress toward personal goals. Researchers even noted a relationship between feeling grateful and feeling loved, and they observed how gratitude inspires acts of kindness and compassion.1
Remarkable, isn’t it? All this from daily gratitude and thanksgiving.

Of course, the best way to discover the benefits of gratitude is not by observing them in an academic study but by experiencing the miracle for ourselves: When we daily count our blessings, we feel better about life, even in the midst of adversity; we garner a strength of character and largeness of soul that will help us through hard times; and we see life as basically good, despite its challenges and heartaches.

Gratitude does not need to be reserved for holidays and special events. Every day is filled with miracles and blessings. If we open our hearts and look, we’ll find reasons for gratitude and thanksgiving each day, all around us.


1 See Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough, “Highlights from the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness,” http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/emmons; see also “Gratitude Theory,” http://www.acfnewsource.org/religion/gratitude_theory.html.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Since I won't be here..

I would like for those of you who know my neighbor Sassy to wish her a Happy Birthday on the 29th! I somehow manage to forget until the day after or so... and now this year I will be out of town, enjoying the snow!..

Sassy, you made an impression on me the day we moved in 10+ years ago! It was a hot July day, and you brought a half gallon of ice cream over for my bored and hot wee ones! You are a kind and loving person, and although you have been thru many trials, you always somehow manage a laugh and a smile, sometimes much later..

I love ya, and Happy Birthday Sassy!

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Randoms...

(but then aren't I ALWAYS random?)

1. I went to the dentist today for a cleaning. I think it's been a couple of years.
Still, she said my teeth were great. I think she forgot to give me flouride (oopss!) Yeay for me!

2. It's finally autumn, I think. We had to close the front door last night... too chilly for me!
(yes, we have a security door on it!) Mark was ready for the lovely cool air... Sorry dear!

3. Sleepwalking - Jessica came out while we were watching tv the other night -asked if we'd called for her.. Um, no?! In the morning I found her top sheet and blanket on the kitchen table, and she had a smaller blanket on top of her, trying to keep warm. Weird.

4. Sleeptalking -well, since I'm on the topic... do you do it? Mark tries to talk to me when I am really sleepy, and sometimes he gets lovely responses. He always teases me saying "fuzzy wallpaper" - something I said a long time ago.

5. "I'm shrinking" (a la "I'm melting" - the wicked witch.) - As of Wednesday, I have lost
40 stinking pounds! Yahoo!!

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Craziness..

One holiday skips another...
One day after Halloween,
I go to the grocery $tore, and
they are setting up the
Christmas trees
at the front of the store!!
Yikes!
I guess I am one to talk, because I've
been finding Christmas music for my Zune!!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

It's not as bad as it sounds..

Yup, Gamma Knife surgery sounds bad.. it isn't so bad, really.

http://www.irsa.org/gamma_knife.html

There is a website if you are interested in getting into detail.

Gamma Knife® surgery is recognized worldwide as the preferred treatment for brain tumors, arteriovenous malformations and brain dysfunctions such as trigeminal neuralgia. the Gamma Knife® allows noninvasive cerebral surgery to be performed in one session and with extreme precision. Based on preoperative radiological examinations, such as CT scans, MR scans and angiography, the unit provides highly accurate irradiation of deep-seated targets, using a multitude of collimated beams of ionizing radiation with scalpel-like precision. The "blades" of the Gamma Knife® are the beams of gamma radiation programmed to target the lesion (in my case, the nerve and blood vessel) at the point where they intersect. In a single treatment session, 201 beams of gamma radiation focus precisely on the lesion.

That is probably more than you all wanted to know. I've had TN pains for about 14 years, before Brennan was born. Only in the last 5 or so years has it gotten much worse. I've been managing the pain lately with medication, so it's been good.

I went in for pre-op at *yawn * 5:30 am on Thurs. My veins were not very cooperative for giving blood or getting an IV started. When we went to the Gamma knife (also called cyberknife) area, we waited for the Dr's, one neurosurgeon, and the other deals with radiation. The anesthesiologist sedated me completely while I was sitting up, and then they put the frame on my head, yes, screwed into my skull. (yes, glad I was put out!!)

Don't I look really happy? Two points on the front, and two points on the back. Then I went for an MRI. When I came back from MRI, the point on my back left side was really starting to hurt, I felt the pressure. So Dr Ashman came and gave me three SHOTS!!! YOWWWEEE!!! in the back of my head.. OH>MY>LANTA! That was the worst part of the whole day!

We waited in the waiting room for an hour or so while the docs mapped out where they were going to aim/focus the gamma rays on my nerve. It was a quiet procedure - I actually fell asleep during the 39 minute procedure.

When I came out, they immediately unscrewed the frame- that was wierd... Then, you know how your lip feels after being numbed at the dentist? My whole top and back of my head was numb!! I was touching my head, but my head couldn't feel it! I came home with two tiny circle bandaids on my forehead. That's all the evidence. I've had evidence, I think, that it has worked. I go back to see the Doc in weeks, and should be able to start decreasing my medication. That is what it is all about now!

So.. i'm good... no after effects! It was outpatient, and other than the few sore spots where the screws were, I'm good. Thanks for being concerned, my great friends!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Well, I did it.

I had the Gamma Knife procedure done yesterday for my Trigeminal Neuralgia.

All went well, but it will be a few weeks before we'll know if it took effect on my
silly nerve.

For those of you who don't know about it, I'll try to come back with some links
tomorrow, and maybe a fun picture of me in the hospital with a frame on my head!

(Loads of fun, that!)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Another First...

Kind of in the same as the first.. well it was in the same town , anyway.

Webster Elementary, Magna, Utah

This was my first school - it was straight down the street from the aforementioned house. My big brother (2yrs older) and I walked each day - passing plenty of bars , the firestation , and the Rexall drug store. The bar doors were open during our walk home, so when we peered in, all we saw was neon beer signs, and darkness, and the occasional bearded man sitting on a stool.

When I started Kindergarten with my teacher , Mrs. Hiatt, (if I really tried, I could find a class picture) there were portable buildings in front of the school on the blacktop (to the left of the picture. ) Mrs Hiatt was fairly old, with grey hair and glasses.

First grade was on the bottom floor, with Miss James, who was tall and young, with brown hair and a lovely smile.

2nd grade was on the 2nd floor, in the corner room on the right. She had an aide that taught us Spanish sometimes. (My kids learn some Spanish now, but just going to school, they have friends whose parents don't speak any English at all.) We had opportunity to earn "Webster money" or something like that. Miss Dobson would keep track of it, and occasionally we'd get to up to the 3rd floor to spend it. The 6th (and maybe 5th) graders built Websterville up there - complete with a store, a beauty shop, a post office, and other fun places. Our incentive in class was to do well to earn money to go spend it in Websterville. The money was actually washers with their currency printed on it - believe they were "cm's".

When we moved in the middle of 2nd grade to the other side of the state, I was sad to leave my teacher. She and I started corresponding - and I am happy to say I am still in touch with her now. My kids have met "Miss Kris" and she frequently sends them little gifts for the holidays, maybe m&m's or advent calendars for Christmas. She lives near my in-laws in Cache Valley, whom we visit yearly, so we try to put in a visit to her as well. She even has some of my schoolwork saved, and some letters I wrote her way back when.

Honestly, I enjoyed school.. I think Miss Kris had something to do with it also!

Tell me if YOU had a favorite teacher or remember your first school!

I've been away because our computer is being eaten by viruses... time to get a new one!!