Faith Not Fear
Have
you ever been taught something that you didn’t realize you were being taught?
Or did you think that you knew something completely, but then you learned
more? I recently learned that I was
being taught about faith, without even knowing it. I believe in faith more now, than I ever
thought I did.
I
grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. One of the first principles of the Gospel that
I was taught as a child was faith. Faith
in the Lord Jesus Christ. We learned
that “faith was the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not
seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) I surely did not
have a problem with that, and I had many experiences with faith throughout my
life. My faith was not tested too
severely, though, and I lived a relatively easy life.
I
served a mission for the church in England, came home and at the age of 25
married my sweetheart, Mark, in the Mesa Arizona Temple.
We soon were the parents of three sweet
children, a boy and two girls, and we settled in to our home to learn and to
grow. Mark worked hard to support our
family, and we were happy.
About
five years ago, Mark’s work environment had become toxic and he wanted to quit
his job. As a child, my parents endured
several job changes and financial hardship, therefore, I was hesitant to agree
to let him quit the job without another job lined up. So, he stayed and endured a while
longer. Eventually the work situation
got worse, and I could see it was detrimental to Mark’s emotional well-being
and happiness. This time we decided to
trust Heavenly Father and have faith that He would provide. We prayed and asked for help to find new
employment so that our family would not go without. Our faith overcame the fear
I had. Almost immediately after quitting
the job, Mark found a temporary contract job that would provide for our
family’s needs. Within 6 months, Mark
had three permanent job offers. We again
trusted in God to help him choose the job that would be best for our
family. He began a job with Banner
Health in January of 2012.
Mark
really enjoyed the new job, and he thrived there. He had a great rapport with
his staff, and was using his financial expertise to help the company. In April of that year, Mark experienced a
pain in his leg. He thought it might be a stress fracture, so he went to the ER
to have it checked. Unfortunately, it was not a stress fracture, but something
far more serious. Within a short time,
he was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma, a cancer. We were floored. The surgeon initially told us that Mark had
months, not years, left to live. We learned
not to listen to the surgeon, but to listen to the oncologist. A chemotherapy regimen began quickly, and we
realized we needed more than ever to have faith. When friends asked Mark how he
was doing, he was quick to tell them his motto was “Faith, Not Fear,” because
faith and fear cannot exist together. He
shared this message far and wide, in person, and on Facebook with family and
friends. It buoyed him up during the awful times of chemotherapy and
radiation.
In
September of 2014, Mark had been struggling to breathe. Initially, the thought was that he had
pneumonia, and he was admitted to the hospital.
By midweek, chest scans and x-rays were done and it was determined that
the cancer had spread throughout his lungs.
On October 4, 2014, my sweetheart finished his earthly journey and
graduated to the next life. From the fifth floor hospital room, the illuminated
Gilbert Arizona Temple was visible in the dark night; a reminder that the
promised blessings of the temple had sealed our family together for
eternity.
In
September of 2016, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency spoke
to the women of the church regarding faith. He said, “The
purpose of faith is not to change God’s
will but to empower us to act on God’s
will. Faith is trust—trust that God sees what we cannot and that He knows what
we do not. Sometimes, trusting our own vision and judgment is not enough.” Hearing that phrase was an “a-ha” moment for
me. Mark and I had been professing
“Faith Not Fear” for two and a half years, and I hadn’t fully realized what
that had done for me. When Mark died, I
was not angry with my Heavenly Father. I
was not mad at the doctors that they had not done more to help Mark and find
new treatments. I did not yell and
scream that I didn’t want to be a widow and raise my children on my own.
The purpose of faith is not to change God’s will, but to empower
us to act on God’s will. I think this
also means to accept God’s will. By talking about faith for so long, my
acceptance of God’s will was encouraged.
Because of Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness, I know that I will see
my dear husband again. I know that my
Heavenly Father is aware of me and my family, and He loves me. I know that my
husband still loves me, wants me to be happy, and wants me to have joy while I
am here, even while he is not. I believe
that faith and fear cannot exist together, and that the best choice is to have
faith.
